ni.chol.as

[Date: Wed 2nd May]

Hello from Japan! We’ve been up for two days straight with no sleep on the plane. We landed at 9am Japan time and have had to stay up all day to sort out our body clocks. It’s 8pm now, we’ve checked into the ryokan and we’ve got a cheap easy night of heady entertainment for you guys. We visited the AM-PM convenience store round the corner and bought a selection of 9 different beers and we’re going to review them for you so you don’t make the same mistakes we’re obviously about to. Inspiration nod to Yuki whose reviews of softdrinks in Japan last year provoked this alcohol-based retaliation.

First up!

* Nodogoshi Draft

Barry says: Tastes more expensive than it should. Not flavoured alcohol like you sometimes get. Budget end beer but not so bad.
Nic says: Buttery and citric tones. Taste like arse, though.
Rob’s still drinking red bull.

* Asahi Aqua Blue

It says 50% on the can, let’s hope it’s not the alcohol content.

Nic says: Tastes like normal Asahi but slightly weaker. Not necessarily a bad thing, though.
Barry says: Like beer for girls?
Rob is still drinking red bull.

* Malt’s Beer by Suntory

Rob says: Smells quite malty. It does genuinely have a malty aftertaste. It’s a lager with pretensions to being an ale. Hmm. There’s a nice aftertaste on it but nothing before that. A very weak flavour. Inoffensive.
Nic says: Oh god yeah. Nothing. You sort of taste nothing on your tongue, swallow and a few seconds later you get a pleasant aftertaste. Not bad, but Rob’s correct. Not something to drink if you like flavour.
Barry says: I like the can.

We all agree that the can is nice and has a nice texture.

WARNING: Unscheduled Snack break intervention. Barry’s going to review the Milky Green tea kitkat.

Barry says: Definitely milky. Doesn’t taste much different to a regular milk chocolate kitkat…except it’s green. Disappointing. It doesn’t taste green enough.
Rob says: Insufficiently green.
Nic says: Nothing. Green tea kitkat sounds horrid.

Back to beer, where Barry is contemplating how braille works in Japanese. Does it translate to romaji? What is written on these beer cans? Answers on a postcard please.

* Premium Yebisu

Nic says: Black can. Gold lid. Classy.
Barry says: This is gonna something like guinness without a head. *sips* And that’s pretty much what it is. Since Guinness costs 800 yen a pint here, this is a good substitute.
Nic says: Smells roasty. Tastes roasty. Little bit coffee-like. I wouldn’t drink it but I see why people would.

* Asahi in a green can

It says “Refreshing New Style” and confusingly “Style Free” on the top.
We try to translate the can to ascertain if this is a trap-beer with no alcohol in. It turns out it has no calories in.

Rob: That’s horrible. It tastes so horrible it feels like it’s leaving a soapy residue in my mouth. Deeply unpleasant.
Barry: It’s offering 0% something. Zero percent enjoyment cuz I can’t figure it out. Rob is not wrong. It’s a bit odd.
Nic: Uhh! It doesn’t taste BAD, it just tastes of nothing. They’re perfectly correct – zero style.

* Gubinama “Draft Gubi” (Brewed by Asahi)

Nic says: It’s a little drier than the others. Tastes like a weaker version default Asahi but stronger than the Asahi Aqua Blue.
Barry: Taste fruity to me. Have you tried it yet Rob?
Rob: No. Anything to stop the taste of that other stuff. *gulps* Doesn’t taste of anything to me.
Barry: I’m the only fruit in the room then.
Rob: I think you’ll find that’s my role.

Note for later: Check out band on MTV Japan. “Koi no Megalover” by Maximum the Hormone. Very strange segueing between american punk and nu-metal. Quite bad.

* Enjuku Kuro

Rob says: Complex scents of pine and machine oil. *sips* Yeah that’s pretty palatable. A Black beer a bit like the Yebisu. It’s quite similar, lighter in flavour. Again, not a lot of flavour on the tongue but the aftertaste is quite strong and malty. I don’t think I like it as much as the Yebisu, but it’s nice nonetheless. Its claim of being foamy is a complete lie.
Barry says: Tastes of dust and death.
Rob says: Not a fan then?
Barry says: No it’s ok, it’s just odd. I prefer the Yebisu. *hic*
Nic says: Agree on the machine oil thing.

* Asahi “Goku Uma”

Barry: After all the beer we’ve had to far, I can’t tell. It’s just a beer.
Rob says: NOTHING. The dopy shit just tried to take a sip and spilled a ton of it over the tatami mat. FAIL.
Nic says: Rob is rubbish.

Recovering his ability to hold items, Rob says: It’s got a slightly fruity hint but it’s not a terribly interesting beer.

Nic says: Not too bad, nice dry edge to it. Everyone else is wrong. This seems to be one step away from the usual Asahi Super Dry I’m familiar with.

* Asahi Draft

It says “Smooth and Tasty” on the can.

Nic says: ARGH. Another beer that tastes of nothing.
Rob says: I don’t even taste that.
Barry says: Yeah. *shrugs*

End result: Total failure! We’ll move on from the As and try out beers further up the alphabet. Stand by, please!