ni.chol.as

[Date: Thu 3rd May]

Hello and welcome to day two of our super fantastic beer tasting session. Collating reports from last night, it appears that we all woke up at 5am due to jet-lag but were utterly hangover free. This time we review some beers but with added very very cheap sake, courtesy of Barry. First up, we review of a couple of beers out of “Hub”, a themed English pub chain branch in Shibuya: be afraid, be very afraid.

This Hub is in a basement under one of Shibuya’s mentally busy streets. To give them credit, the place has the same stench of stale beer and cigarette smoke as an English pub so they’re doing pretty well at imitating the effect you get in the UK. The beer we tried first was a pint of lager chosen from a set of taps with Kirin, Bass Draft and “Hub” lager on. It’s weird, I only ever see Bass for sale abroad… Onwards!

• Hub Ale

Rob says: Um… It’s Kirin.

An argument ensues over whether this is Kirin or Hub Ale. We wait for Barry to return from the bar with confirmed Hub Ale so we can check. Barry returns and we confirm it is indeed plain draft Kirin.

Rob says: OK, so it just tastes like plain Kirin.
Barry says: Nothing. The big gayer is drinking Kahlua and milk. Can’t be much of a theme pub since if this was England he’d have been taken out and beaten for this.

• Hub Ale, definitely not Kirin

Nic says: Has a nice nose, bit of an Ale-Lager mixture. Sadly the taste is reminiscent of urine. The sort of smell you get down the side of the Astoria on Charing Cross Road.
Rob says: It’s all right. I wouldn’t drink that in favour of the Asahi. There’s a slightly soapy first taste and the aftertaste is a bit cloying.

I explain it tastes of wee.

Rob says: Not urine! Toilet cakes!
Nic says: Yes! Disinfectant that reminded me or urine.

We decide it has been contaminated with pipe cleaner or something and the remainder is left untouched. I feel nauseous!

…Back at the ryokan, we’re trying out a few more cans from the local shop.

• Kirin: The Gold

A promising name! Apparently an all malt pilsner which is to my taste.

Nic says: Good strong-tasting pilsner with a stronger taste than everything Asahi had to offer last night.
Rob says: It’s nice. That’s really good. Genuinely really flavoursome.
Barry says: That’s nom. I could down that in one.
Nic says: Please don’t.

• Asahi Zeitaku Biyori

Zeitaku translates as luxurious, have we stumbled across a good beer?

Rob says: That’s another Asahi diappointment I’m afraid. It’s a bad sign of a beer that the first thing you notice is the texture. It’s spawny. The flavour is indistinct, there’s no noticeable aftertaste. It’s another incredibly weak Asahi. It’s something you drink incredibly cold on a hot day because you don’t notice the flavour on account of your tongue being numb. It’s almost flat, too, which is different to most of the other Asahis.

Barry said: Texture of the can is good. Texture of the beer: lose. My mouth was full of crisp bits, so I couldn’t tell, really. Um, I’m lacking in opinions really.
Rob said: It’s horribly inoffensive. I demand my beer be offensive in some way.
Barry said: It’s beer for…
Rob said: 14 year olds who just walked into a pub for the first time. Shockingly inoffensive beer that’s targeted at people who want to drink beer but really crave cocktails.

Nic says: Oh fucking hell, what a pointless beer.

Summary: It’s a trap.

• Oni Koroshi (Dragon Slayer) Sake

It comes in a little cardboard box, like Um Bongo.

Barry says: Slips down very nicely.
Rob says: Stop talking about tiny girls.
Barry says: Yeah, this is basically special brew in Um Bongo format.

• Nigori Sake (god knows what brand, it’s in a foil-lidded glass jar)

Barry managed to forget to shake it first and Rob’s ingenuity is required to create a stirring device out of the foil lid.

Barry: Bit stronger. Feels noticeably thicker due to whiteness and starch.
Rob says: It’s the exact colour of semen.
Barry says: I’ve gone off it now.
Rob says: I’m going to take a large swig of it. *swigs* Mm, it is starchy! It’s like it’s full of potato starch or something.
Barry: Rice starch. For the high class tramp who likes to drink out of a glass instead of an Um Bongo carton.

• Kirin’s Original Brew

Rob says: This. Just. Tastes. Like. Kirin. But in a good way. Yeah, that’s nice and crisp first taste. Good strong beery aftertaste on it. Not exactly a remarkable beer but something you’d be happy to down a few pints of. I think the key distinction between this and the normal white-can Kirin (this is in a gold can) is that this is less fizzy. It’d be a good beer to drink after a lot of other drinks whilst eating yakitori.
Nic says: Totally agree with Rob. Good and strong, unlike the Asahis we’ve tried.

• Suntory MD Golden Dry

Garish silver and gold can. High hopes based on the word “dry”. Love dry beer! The MD stands for “Magnum Dry”.

Nic says: Initial taste on the tongue is very similar to Asahi Super Dry, which we’ve avoided reviewing because it’s available everywhere in Britain. Quite a nice pilsner taste afterwards.
Rob says: I think it’s meant to smell fruity but it smells really horrible. This tastes… ambiguous.
Barry: It tastes of “LOL Dunno’?
Rob says: I think it’s because the taste is really good. A good crisp taste on the tongue. I think this tastes really nice, the fizz is good but my nose is saying “No, this smells like effluent.”
Barry says: *swig* Nya *makes cat paws in the air*
(Barry has lost it to the sake at this point.)

• Suntory “The Premium Malt’s”

A gold can, which seems to mean premium but has a mixed result in our tastings.

Rob says: Very malty. As you’d expect from the premium malts. The Malts should not be ashamed. Very cloying. Something about the nose on it. Very long lingering aftertaste. Fruity, I would have said. Reminds me of Kronenbourg Blanc and I think Nic will like it.
Barry says: I can’t really tell because my tastebuds have been killed by Japanese booze.
Nic says: Ooh you’re right I do like it. It’s got a nice fruity taste to it which is unusual in everything we’ve tried. Good if you like something like Kronenbourg Blanc. It’s not the same but it’s what you’d get if you crossed a normal pilsner with Blanc. Second best I’ve tried, I think. A lovely beer.

Result: Success! The Premium Malt’s by Suntory and the Kirin Gold were really fine for can-based drinking. Avoid the Asahi fashion-beers and low cal beers you’ll be on the right track.