ni.chol.as

The phone rings in a darkened room. The glowing digits of the bedside clock read 08:50. An arm reaches blindly, searching for the handset to stop the infernal ringtone. The arm’s hand clutches the handset and pops it open with a click.

“Nic Walker,” the owner of the arm says, trying not to sound like he’s asleep at 0850 on a work day.
“Hello Sir. It’s Natwest Fraud Detection department. We have some questions about your account. Are you free to talk?” She says this final sentence in a conspiratorial way that implies he should check for electronic listening devices or spies looking at him through binoculars from afar. He looks around the room and sees nothing likely to betray his security.
“I’m free to talk,” he replies. Still trying to sound like he’s actually been awake for hours.
“Our computer has brought a transaction to our attention and we’d like to be sure that you made the charges in question.”
“Oh, ok, sure.”
“But FIRST, we must go through security with you.” More conspiratorial tones. “Can you tell me the month and year of your birth?” Oh, he thinks, the date of birth of mine that all his friends know? That is a matter of public record? That incredibly secure thing? Sure. He gives her his date of birth.
“Can you tell me the first two letters of your mother’s maiden name?”
“Oh,” he thinks, “you mean the maiden name of my mother that is also a matter of public record and entirely accessible by anybody who cares to check? Of course!” He gives her the letters.
“Sir, we’ve noticed a charge that has been blocked on your account. It was made late last night and the computer decided it was potentially fraudulent. Can you tell me if you made a charge for 79 pence to Linden Labs?”
“Seventy nine pence?” He checks, slightly incredulous.
“Yes sir, to Linden Labs.” she says, as po-faced as one can be in a phone call.
“Yes, I did make that charge.”
“Ok, thank you sir!”

That, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the front line in the fight against credit card fraud! I’m glad to have done my part.